In our society in a developing country, how open are we towards certain changes in our lives? I refer to the female community in our country on how much we have evolved. Are we as submissive as what is deemed or we have un-shelled and are now moving on to a new era of becoming braver and stronger in fighting for ourselves?

Sometimes I wonder if this plays a direct change in shaping the way we think and therefore the way we behave or react in particularly dire situation like foreseeing or more accurately, experiencing a crack in our relationship. It was quite an interesting find to see how the babes in the forum debated about whether to allow the husbands to take in a second wife. And so when we assume that the female group in Malaysia are still quite conservative about family values, it is more astounding to observe such big number of women who are against the idea of having a second wife with no acceptance of any reasons or pleas behind that move. Some popped very realistic questions like having children in that picture, drawing further that it is all the more difficult for the first wife to react to what the majority voted for, which is to file for a divorce.

Being caught in such situation, should we play up to our maternal instinct which is to sacrifice in order to provide the children with a complete family, i.e.: a dad, a mom and the children or to fight against all odds to preserve the final dignity for ourselves and the children. Well, I don’t deny that the reason to take in a second wife could derived from many other unspoken tales or obligations, but to take into the extreme account of this situation, how would you react? Don’t forget that Florence Nightingale fought against all odds to do something for the society despite being pressured due to her gender status at that time. So will such change in a family bring better life and hope for the future? Join the debate or discussion here.

The publish about The Secret, the movie on romance, the talks by Steven Covey, the conventional or the unconventional means of knowing oneself or working out and mending a relationship, these will all turn and twist to one similar ground, back to the basic.

You may have heard people telling you the importance of listening, as it being the gist of a relationship. This is basic. You would have heard the saying that pride kills. This is true and it is the base of all as well. How is that so?

I know someone who is married for two years after a long eight-year courtship. There were problems before they made the vow but they went ahead with the wedding plans. Then more problems arise or I would say the recurring incidences. The wife is unhappy, the husband is upset. They stopped communicating but only talk to each other when it is necessary. What happened to their bonding? Or the feelings for each other after almost 10 years spending with each other?

I spoke to the wife one day and she revealed more bitterness from her side. And it so happened the husband called her on the phone. Instead of the cheery mood she was in after she has calmed down, her tone of voice turned lower and the words she chose to use during the phone call were direct and brief. Her body language was rigid, frowned eyebrow, and annoyed expression from her face. After she put down the phone, she was back in her cheery or I should say, chirpy mood again.

This made me think for a while why a couple could not work out a relationship just by abiding to the basic rules; first to let go of the ego and second to listen.

Sadly, it is countless to note that people would rather hold up to their pride and protect their ego than to listen to the main ideas of what is being communicated during a conflict, misunderstandings or arguments. It is so natural for most to just dive into that sea of arrogance and biting on the fact that who should be blamed and who is at fault. With this mindset or judgment, no better words could be made understood to them because they are listening with a tint, the layer of jusgment which is passed before it is heard. And when this happen, how genuine could one understand the other?   

If you happen to be trapped in such situation, it is good to try the above rules, let go of your ego and listen. Ask yourself which is more important to you, your pride or the relationship?