The publish about The Secret, the movie on romance, the talks by Steven Covey, the conventional or the unconventional means of knowing oneself or working out and mending a relationship, these will all turn and twist to one similar ground, back to the basic.

You may have heard people telling you the importance of listening, as it being the gist of a relationship. This is basic. You would have heard the saying that pride kills. This is true and it is the base of all as well. How is that so?

I know someone who is married for two years after a long eight-year courtship. There were problems before they made the vow but they went ahead with the wedding plans. Then more problems arise or I would say the recurring incidences. The wife is unhappy, the husband is upset. They stopped communicating but only talk to each other when it is necessary. What happened to their bonding? Or the feelings for each other after almost 10 years spending with each other?

I spoke to the wife one day and she revealed more bitterness from her side. And it so happened the husband called her on the phone. Instead of the cheery mood she was in after she has calmed down, her tone of voice turned lower and the words she chose to use during the phone call were direct and brief. Her body language was rigid, frowned eyebrow, and annoyed expression from her face. After she put down the phone, she was back in her cheery or I should say, chirpy mood again.

This made me think for a while why a couple could not work out a relationship just by abiding to the basic rules; first to let go of the ego and second to listen.

Sadly, it is countless to note that people would rather hold up to their pride and protect their ego than to listen to the main ideas of what is being communicated during a conflict, misunderstandings or arguments. It is so natural for most to just dive into that sea of arrogance and biting on the fact that who should be blamed and who is at fault. With this mindset or judgment, no better words could be made understood to them because they are listening with a tint, the layer of jusgment which is passed before it is heard. And when this happen, how genuine could one understand the other?   

If you happen to be trapped in such situation, it is good to try the above rules, let go of your ego and listen. Ask yourself which is more important to you, your pride or the relationship?