You’d think at my age I’d take better care of my skin. No, I’m not gonna tell you how old I am but let’s say I’m nearing an age where I don’t wanna tell people my age.

Which is now.

But anyways, as I was saying, you’d think I’d take better care of my skin, which means I don’t. I’m very lazy. I’m not blessed with perfect skin but I’ve never had any real problems with it so therein lies my excuse. Besides, I’m very lazy.

So I finally made an appointment to go for my first facial in 3 years. 3 years I repeat, cos lying down for an hour or so is too much hard work and have I mentioned that I’m lazy? And I finally went last Saturday for the appointment. Gawd, I dunno why I didn’t do it before. It was fab! Ok la, it wasn’t as fab as miraculously losing 4 lbs when you step on the scales in the morning but it came a good 4th or 5th in my fab scenarios.

As you babes know, they make you strip down to your undies and you hafta wear a long bedsheet elasticised like a tube only 100 times uglier.

Which leads me to the question of why? Why are robes in facial salons so hideously blah? Can’t they make them out of some super groovy material? I don’t mind the way it’s cut cos that’s the most convienient to slip on & off but come on facial-salon-robe-supplier-people, get with the program and get me some Pucci like prints or something! Hmmmm, maybe I’ll make my own robe thingy and bring it with me next time.

After the beautician aka Toturer With Loving Hands has lead me to the room, asked me to lie down on the bed and tucked me in with a blanket, she then proceeds to cleanse my grotty face. First with just plain milk cleanser, then with milk cleanser mixed with a scrub cos those dead cells need to be taught a lesson. At first I’m quite chatty cos I just had a latte downstairs and am so not sleepy. Besides, I know what’s coming up next so no point sleeping so early on in the facial.

“How long have you been working here” – I really didn’t care.

“Is my skin ok?” – Cared somewhat.

“Is my skin dry?” – Cared more.

“Do I have any fine lines?” – Cared alot.

2 Yrs, Yes, Yes and Not Yet.

Answers weren’t that short la but I’ll spare you the details. Then came the steaming. Yes the steaming.

Good gawd, I hate the steaming. I have a sinus problem so the steaming stuffs up my nose something chronic.

“You ok? Not too hot?”

“Ja, I’b dokay”

Cos I’m determined that every bit of my 3 yrs of crap that’s been building up in the pores of my face comes out later. 10 minutes, 10 minutes of hot steam stuffing up my nostrils and me turning my head from side to side gasping for air! Plus it was hot in that damn blanket.

FINALLY, TWLH comes back in.

Yeeehaaa, extraction time! No, I’m not some sort of sadist but to me this is the part that counts most in the whole facial process. No pain, no gain, mantra crap. She starts with my nose.

“Tahan abit ya? Long time no facial, got alot to take out wor.”

Damn sakit I tell you!

Eyes start tearing all.

Jaws start clenching all.

She moves on to my cheeks, next my forehead. Then she spots two oil seeds under my eyes.

“This one going to hurt more abit ah.”

She pokes it with something freaking sharp and squeezes crap out. More tears start falling down my cheeks. Padan muka. Who ask you not to go to facial for so long.

“Ok habis oredi.”

Tears start falling down my cheeks. Tears of joy.

TWLH wipes my face with some sort of toner and then uses some sort of machine with some sort of attachment, runs it over my face, to have some sort of effect.

Don’t quite like that machine.

She then rubs my face with aromatherapy oil which smells divine and lulls me to sleep with a massage on my face, neck, shoulders and back. Mmmmmm, finally I can relax. She stops to mix up something up, then slathers on this cold goo on my face which felt lovely. After slapping on the first layer of the mask with a brush, she puts on what feels like a netting gauze of sorts on my face and then slaps on a second layer of the cooling mask on the netting. It felt really nice and I was slowly drifting off to sleep.

Then TWLH spoilt it all by cleaning her bowl and whatever it is at the sink behind.

Pft.

I really don’t need to hear banging of bowls and utensils. Ok la, it was exactly clanging and all that noisy but still it irritated me. And if that wasn’t all, the damn pipes was making annoying gurgling sounds. Hurry up la, finish cleaning already, I wanna doze off!

Finally, peace & quiet …. snore snore snore.

“Miss, Miss ah, I’m going to clean you face now ok.”

She cleans off the wonderfully-cooling-sleep-inducing mask and then uses this machine that sprays what I hope isn’t just plain water on to my face. I don’t know why a machine is needed. Can’t she just put the whatever-water-it-is into a spray bottle and spray on my face? Maybe that’s why these damn facials cost so much. Use unnecessary machines all.

BUT, this last machine she uses is my favourite, it’s some really cold metal thing that she uses to glide all over my face. Best gila! It’s like putting a spoon in the fridge then gliding that all over the face. Only difference is that chunks of skin doesn’t come off the face la. Ewww, that’d be nasty. After which, TWLH massages in moisturiser and taaaa-daaaaaaa facial is over!

Won’t bore you with the consultation afterwards. Needless to say though, I was well pleased with my 70 mins of pampering. My skin looked helluva lot clearer. Liked it so much that I’m going back in 3 weeks time for another facial and to sign up a whole package.

We Malaysians do love our packages don’t we? Got package ah? Cheaper to buy package what. Don’t have package ah? Wah, you all should make package la, then more people come.

I’m probably not gonna write another blog on facials. This one was the one off cos so excited mah, 1st facial in 3 years all. BUT, if they come out with some new fandangled machine that totally rocks, then expect another long-winded encouter with TWLH!

’til next time, slater Babes.

Peace & Long Life